The Weekly Grind 2.24

It's been a while since I checked the mailbag...and as expected, I am swamped with inquiries about potentially humerous topics. So without further ado;

EA-If you have to put a "franchise tag" on any television character, who would it be and why? - Scooter - Philly, PA

Great question, well worded and well thought out...here is a quick top 5 list. I will assume that we are talking about all television personalities both reality and regular show based.
5 - Gotta go with Gob Bluth, possibly the funniest character in a sitcom since Heathcliff Huxtible. He's Will Ferrell-esque in that any scene he's in has the potential for laugh out loud comedy. Kind of like thos awful SNL skits where Fallon and Horatio crack up because Ferrell's wearing jean shorts. If Gob says COME ON! I start giggling like a school girl.
4 - Jeff Probst - What is this like the 23rd "Survivor" show over 12 years?The one consistent factor besides incredibly attractive people in little to no clothing, is JP...he is like a mix of Simon Cowell and Ryan Seacrest, he is an arrogant prick, but for some reason you just can't help but like the guy.
3 - That Iraqi guy from LOST - whats not to like about an Iraqi infidel who makes his living torturing Americans?
2 - Jack Bauer - He is the man, plain and simple. You can't kill him, and even when you do, he is still alive somehow. I have to admit that this is getting to the Austin Powers point of ridiculousness.
Dr. Evil: Scott, I want you to meet daddy's nemesis, Austin Powers
Scott Evil: What? Are you feeding him? Why don't you just kill him?
Dr. Evil: I have an even better idea. I'm going to place him in an easily escapable situation involving an overly elaborate and exotic death.
Tell me this is not the recipe for 24 every single episode where Jack gets in a "scuffle" with terrorists, drug dealers, traitorous co-workers.
1- The Great and Powerful Alton from the new installmant of the Gauntlet. Last episode he beat Jeremy in Capture the Flag by at least 25 feet. Which, seeing as how the length of the net is only 30 feet, is pretty freaking impressive. Unless the contest for the Gauntlet is "smallest penis wins", I don't think any of his teammates will take him down.

EA - How's that eh.........hows that novel comin eh? ya got a big stack of papers, do you? been working on that novel for quite some time now? bout three years. - Stewie, Quahog

There have been many un-finished projects along the course of my life. Including but not limited to, my on-line Beta Fighting Fish gambling website, gettng my USGA handicap to single digits, and finding answers to the questions no one asks.

The Weekly Grind 2.17

Ladies and gentlemen the Weekly Grind is back....or is it? Find out next week.

NCAA Survivor 2/11/06

I'm not going to beat around the bush. Syracuse is out. They were out a couple weeks ago, when they couldn't get a win against UConn, Pitt, or Nova. Right now, I think they deserve to be in the tournament, based on the brutal schedule they've played (6 of 8 losses to teams in the top 13). But I also think they should not be in the tournament based on how they're playing. The talent is there, but they're just out of sync. It's frustrating. We'll see if Jim can put it together in the next month.

Anyway, here's where we left off three weeks ago:

Cream
UConn
Duke

Top Two Tiers
Gonzaga
Michigan St
Villanova
Memphis
Illinois
Washington
Florida
------
Maryland
West Virginia
Pitt
Wake

The SU Tier
SU

The Thad Matta Tier
Ohio State


Ohio State (17-3): Just another masterful job by Thad the other night in Ann Arbor. The Game Flow really tells the story. Michigan came out sharp, primed for the big home scalp. The Buckeyes were down 21-8, but in 4 minutes, they had the game knotted at 29. They took a little lead into the first few minutes of the 2nd half before Michigan once more stormed back to keep it close for a while. But Ohio State weathered that storm and was just too good for them, winning by 9 in a road shootout. Intense atmosphere, tough opponent, early storm weathered, strong finish...that's March basketball. That's Thad Matta.

West Virginia (17-4): I just wanted to point out that I had the Mountaineers on my list before they were ranked, and now Kevin Pittsnogle's having babies, and Andy Katz would love to be doing the same with Mike Gansey if one or the other was a woman.

Maryland (15-7): When the ACC is more powerful, you've got to keep half a dozen of its teams in mind when you're looking at who can win it all. But this year, the ACC is a little down. And I'm the last one to underrate the ACC. I've been arguing with Fyall for them as the strongest conference ever since they started trading championships with the Big East. Anyway, I'm just saying that when I say the ACC is down, it's down. OK? OK?? Thank you.

I think you know what I'm getting at. Maryland is just not good enough this year. They might have sweet-16 talent, but nothing more. Plus, they lost to Temple, who lost to St. Joe's, who lost to Davidson, who lost to W. Carolina, who lost to Radfor, who lost to Texas Arlington. And we all know how bad they are. Maryland is out.

Wake Forest (12-11): I stuck with Gray and Williams for a long time. Since the last time I posted, they've lost all 6 games they've played and are in dead last in the ACC. I don't even think they'll make the tournament. So I'm just going to say "Geheyeheyeheyeheyeheye!", grab my collar, and move on.

Texas (20-3): I took the Longhorns off at the end of December, after back to back blowout losses to Duke and Tennessee. Since then, Texas has lost only one game, and Tennessee doesn't look as bad as they used to. I'm going to put them back on for now, even though I'm not sold on their talent. Plus, there is a good chance the Big 12 sucks. I think they're a year away. If they don't dominate the rest of the way, I might bump them off.


Three off, one on...and this is what we have left:

Cream
UConn
Duke

The Thad Matta Tier
Ohio State

The Everybody Else Tier
Gonzaga
Michigan St
Villanova
West Virginia
Memphis
Illinois
Florida
Washington
Pitt
Texas

Winter Olympics Preview

I could rank give a long explanation of why the Winter Olympics are more entertaining than the Summer Olympics, how the smaller number of sports makes the event more palatable, how all 15 sports are enjoyable in their own unique ways.

I could talk about how fun it is to root for Norway to get their once-every-four-years chance at world domination, like Brazil in soccer.

I could write a whole article about how watching curling has the exact opposite effect on your soul as watching anything on MTV.

I could rave about how exciting short track speed skating is, with about the same rate of crashes as England's Grand National horse race.

But why bother? I'm not going to persuade anyone to suddenly start skipping work to tune in. Maybe something with catch your eye and delight you. Maybe you won't watch a minute.

But if you are going to watch one minute, please, I beg you, watch the Men's Cross Country Relay on Sunday, February 19. WATCH IT. You will not regret it. That's all I want to say.

The Men's Cross Country Relay on Sunday, February 19.

You're welcome.

Hoops Recap

Duke Unc was tremendously entertaining last night. Though the Heels caught the short end of the stick, I still stand by my prediction that Duke gets bounced early in March. Redick is really freakin good at basketball. I tip my cap to him. Though, am I correct in hearing that he is been demoted to "best free throw shooter in ACC history"? Thats unfortunate.

Syracuse is traveling to Connecticut tonight as a 12 point underdog. The Lock of the Week is going with UConn (-12) only becuase McNamara is limping and SU already lost to them at home by 8. I am looking forward to Paul's next column justifying why the Orange still have a shot to go all the way.

Startling stat of the night. SU is a powerful 12-3 at home, 2-2 away 2-1 neutral. Must be nice to play 18 of your games in friendly or semi-friendly confines.

UNC vs Duke Preview

First off, let me say for the record, I successfully predicted the Vegas line yesterday. A 5 point line in favor of Duke seems about right. Now, I don't want to go all "Pauly" on us and give a long dissertation about why I think the Heels may pull it off tonight. That wouldn't work for a variety of reasons. A) I am not that knowledgeable (to change now that NFL/Skating with the Stars is over) about the college hoops scene this year. B) I have very little time to blog due to strenuating circumstances (12-9 shift, wedding plans, the looming darkness) and finally C) I am simply not that funny.

That said, here is my Master Lock presents "EA's Lock of the Night". Unc (+5) vs Duke! What a shocker.

Duke is beatable and they will not make it to the Elite Eight this year. Any fast athletic team that has one above average perimeter defender can ruin the Blue Devils title hopes. Guard JJ and let Shelden and his obnoxiously large head bang around inside all he wants. Its all about stopping Reddick and being fast enough to run past the McRobertses and Paulases and Melchionnis. UConn immediately pops into my mind. Even though I feel like I was declaring a major when I first saw Rashad Anderson and Denim Brown don the Huskie jersey, they still have a dynamite core of superior athetes. They are my pick to go all the way. By the way, I am quite hypocritical by doing this and then bitching during march madness when everyone picks the 4 #one seeds to make it to the Final Four. But what the hell....

A couple of fun prop bets/ over-unders for those of you who like to bet with your friends on EA's lines. ( I know there is someone out there who does this)

James Jay Reddick point total - 18.5
Number of inches on Shelden Williams forehead - 7
The # of exclamation points on the transcript of the game commentated by Vitale - 32,675
Who will the first charging call be against? Carolina -800, Duke +1750
Will the phrase "greatest free throw shooter in the history of college basketball" be used. Yes -25,000, No +1200

Semi-running diary to come later tonight.................jogging diary if you will. hahaha...I've said too much.

Super Bowl????

What an awful Super Bowl! The game sucked which is not uncommon. There have been many games where the result is determined by the third period and the actual play of the teams has been below par. BUT normally the entertainment value is still high due to great commercials, enthusiastic players/fans/commentators etc. This game reminded me of a bad sunday night game during the season. You know, when NFL is still on at night during prime time and you feel obligated to watch. Seriously, what will you remember from Super Bowl XL? Anyone, anyone, Buehler?....It was an awful game where a receiver threw to another receiver and a running back ran 76 yars unabated to give the Steelers an easy win. In the words of my buddy Ryan...Is there any doubt that the Colts on their "A" game wouldn't have beaten both teams by at least 45 points? Of course not.

Major Disappointment...though that one commercial with the monkeys was funny.