EA's NHL Preview 05-06
Wow! Has it really been a year already?! I feel like it was only a few months ago when I was watching the Lightning of Tampa Bay hoist Lord Stanley's cup. Wait, hold on a minute. I am remembering a few things now...Roenick was telling us to kiss his ass for some reason...Joe Thorton signed with some Swedish team...Brett Hull was pondering retirement...tell me this wasn't some horrible dream. Did we really miss an entire season of hockey?
The answer of course is no. No one really "missed" hockey, it just wasn't there. Barry Melrose took a year off to comb his mullet and the Players Assoc and Owners engaged in a figurative chess match of negotiating only to end up with a clusterfuck of confusion. Who really won? The owners? The players? Me..for not losing my shirt gambling on home underdogs during the playoffs? I am not sure what the answer is. But the result was clear: Hockey is back! And it may or may not be better than ever!
Let me be honest, I had a feeling that this would be a tough column when I found out that my sleeper team to make the playoffs, the Minnesota NorthStars, had been out of the league since '93. But some anonymous reader subtely requested a post about the NHL and we here at Random Thoughts will never let our peeople down. So after many hours of research, we (mainly EA) have come up with the top 10 Expectations of the First Season of NHL after the Lockout...or TTEOTFSONATL for short.
Drum roll please.........
10) Canadians will get overly excited about the Maple Leafs chance at the title this year. Seriously, I was trying to figure out an American equivalent and it was difficult. We don't really think our Men's Ping Pong players will ever take the gold in the Olympics, do we?
9) The debate rages on: Is Jerome Iginla really black? I am not racist, but if black people ever find out that they can dominate hockey as easy as football, basketball etc, what chance is there for the white guys? Only one black guy has tried the game of golf professionally and look at how good he is doing.
8) The Detroit Red Wings will get upset in the first round of the playoffs. To say the Red Wings are old is like saying George Bush is a great president. Ba-dum ching! But seriously, the Wings still have Chris Chelios which is like the Jets bringing back Vinny T to start at QB..oh wait that actually happened. You get my point.
7) Little children around the nation will entertain crowds by trying to skate around and play hockey. I always like boo-ing that one really good kid that is clearly years older than everyone else and is skating around them like Gordon Bombay before he missed that penalty shot for the Hawks.
6) Shootouts Galore! I know what you're thinking...how does this effect my over/under bets? Well to be honest I am not sure. But regardless, the 0-0 ties will now result in exciting penalty shootouts and teams will no longer be 32-30-20. On a side note, other rule changes may or may not effect play.
5) People everywhere will make up funny top ten lists about the NHL season, only to realize mid-way through, that they don't have nearly enough things to say about it.
4) Carolina, due to the increasing sensitivity over Hurrican Katrina and Rita, will change their name to a more politically correct Carolina Hockey Guys.
3) Fantasy football owners will become increasingly frustrated with the fact that they now have to watch all the NHL scores on ESPN's bottom line before they get to find out how many rushing yards Corey Dillon had.
2) Those funny Canadian guys from that one beer commercial will be back and better than ever.
1) The regular season will end at some point during Mid-April. The playoffs will end three months later. Could you imagine if they changed March Madness and made each game a 3-game series? Thats what the hockey playoffs feel like. What do the Stanley Cup winners get...like 2 weeks off before they have to report to training camp? Does each team make the playoffs? Come on!
Thats all I got for you hockey fans. Hope it was entertaining because I am pretty sure it wasn't informative in the least.
The answer of course is no. No one really "missed" hockey, it just wasn't there. Barry Melrose took a year off to comb his mullet and the Players Assoc and Owners engaged in a figurative chess match of negotiating only to end up with a clusterfuck of confusion. Who really won? The owners? The players? Me..for not losing my shirt gambling on home underdogs during the playoffs? I am not sure what the answer is. But the result was clear: Hockey is back! And it may or may not be better than ever!
Let me be honest, I had a feeling that this would be a tough column when I found out that my sleeper team to make the playoffs, the Minnesota NorthStars, had been out of the league since '93. But some anonymous reader subtely requested a post about the NHL and we here at Random Thoughts will never let our peeople down. So after many hours of research, we (mainly EA) have come up with the top 10 Expectations of the First Season of NHL after the Lockout...or TTEOTFSONATL for short.
Drum roll please.........
10) Canadians will get overly excited about the Maple Leafs chance at the title this year. Seriously, I was trying to figure out an American equivalent and it was difficult. We don't really think our Men's Ping Pong players will ever take the gold in the Olympics, do we?
9) The debate rages on: Is Jerome Iginla really black? I am not racist, but if black people ever find out that they can dominate hockey as easy as football, basketball etc, what chance is there for the white guys? Only one black guy has tried the game of golf professionally and look at how good he is doing.
8) The Detroit Red Wings will get upset in the first round of the playoffs. To say the Red Wings are old is like saying George Bush is a great president. Ba-dum ching! But seriously, the Wings still have Chris Chelios which is like the Jets bringing back Vinny T to start at QB..oh wait that actually happened. You get my point.
7) Little children around the nation will entertain crowds by trying to skate around and play hockey. I always like boo-ing that one really good kid that is clearly years older than everyone else and is skating around them like Gordon Bombay before he missed that penalty shot for the Hawks.
6) Shootouts Galore! I know what you're thinking...how does this effect my over/under bets? Well to be honest I am not sure. But regardless, the 0-0 ties will now result in exciting penalty shootouts and teams will no longer be 32-30-20. On a side note, other rule changes may or may not effect play.
5) People everywhere will make up funny top ten lists about the NHL season, only to realize mid-way through, that they don't have nearly enough things to say about it.
4) Carolina, due to the increasing sensitivity over Hurrican Katrina and Rita, will change their name to a more politically correct Carolina Hockey Guys.
3) Fantasy football owners will become increasingly frustrated with the fact that they now have to watch all the NHL scores on ESPN's bottom line before they get to find out how many rushing yards Corey Dillon had.
2) Those funny Canadian guys from that one beer commercial will be back and better than ever.
1) The regular season will end at some point during Mid-April. The playoffs will end three months later. Could you imagine if they changed March Madness and made each game a 3-game series? Thats what the hockey playoffs feel like. What do the Stanley Cup winners get...like 2 weeks off before they have to report to training camp? Does each team make the playoffs? Come on!
Thats all I got for you hockey fans. Hope it was entertaining because I am pretty sure it wasn't informative in the least.
posted by Eric at 9:51 p.m.
1 Comments:
I sense a big year for Nashville. Go preds!
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