Arrasian Foolishness - Conference of Ridiculosity
I didn't provide a running diary of the SU-UConn game because I didn't watch the SU-UConn game. Let me explain...
I have a friend, Al. He has special powers, including the ability to stonewall people into crushing defeat. (For my definition of "stonewall," please see the Larry Sellars scene in The Big Lebowski. i.e. Walter: ...language problem here. Little prick's stonewalling me!) He stonewalled Rutgers in the 2nd half of SU's great comeback victory earlier this year. He stonewalled Kent State when I went to Buffalo to see the Bulls play a few weeks ago. And so even though I wanted to see the SU-UConn team, Al pointed out that the Bulls needed to beat the Zips much more than we needed to beat the UConn Fat Peoples. And since Al is an inanimate plastic garden gnome, I had to drive him out there.
Here is a picture of Al, along with various other characters from my infamous trip to St. Louis in December, 5 Days, 3 Naps. You can also find a picture of Brady, a 2004 Buffalo grad and our Buffalo host.
It was senior day, so I'll give a shout out to Turner "MVP" Battle, Danny "Hustle" Gilbert, Jason "Anonymous Starting Guard" Bird, and Mark "Lovably Bombastic Tall White Guy" Bortz. Watch UB in the MAC and, with a lot of luck, the NCAAs. You'll fall in love with Turner and Danny, too.
Unlike SU, Buffalo wisely places the student section on the visiting bench end. That means they have to shoot on our basket in the 2nd half, and the bench gets to listen to us the whole game. Most importantly, it also meant that they would be playing right into Al's stonewalling in the 2nd half, when Al is most effective.
Al's stonewalling is so powerful that it can affect the good guys just as much. So we were careful to keep Al on the floor, facing away from the court while UB played towards us. Akron made a little run in the 1st half before we realized Al had been kicked and spun around. That was remedied, and the Bulls pulled to within 1 at the break. Perfect.
Meanwhile, we had picked out 2 targets on Akron. One easy one was Cedric Middleton, younger brother of Bulls' guard Ron Middleton. Brady was all over the "Ron-ny's bet-ter!" chant. Later, we would up that to "your mom loves Ron more!" Cedric found most of the stuff we threw at him pretty funny, and responded with a tied-for-game high 17 points. Oops. However, he was guarding his brother who hit 5 huge threes in the game.
Our other target was this dumpy, 6-4 white shooter named Bubba Walther. He is one of those guys who, when they're on the bench, like to jump up and down when something good happens. He got our attention when he blew a kiss to some guy in a Shockey jersey who was heckling him. Shockey-jersey aside, we UB fans (even pretenders like me) gots to stick together.
So in the 2nd half, with Al taking care of defending the entire Akron team, we went on the attack. Brady and I got several simple "Wal-ther! Wal-ther!" chants going during some timeouts to get his attention. Then whenever it was quiet enough for him to hear us, we started yelling for the coach to put in Walther. Finally, with Al's stonewalling catapaulting the Bulls to a double-digit lead, Walther got back in the game. He promptly missed a 3 (barely rimming out thanks to Al's effect) then had to go diving for an errant pass out of bounds. Next timeout, we all told him how great his minutes were. He eventually came back out and hit a three, but then he didn't get back on defense, allowing a fast break bucket, and he came back down and missed a three, then moments later he threw a hilariously bad inbounds pass accross the court to the Buffalo bench. That was it for Walther. He finished 2-10 from the field, with 1 TO, and was visibly agitated on the bench for the rest of the game, to our unending delight. We just kept riding him. There's no mercy when it comes to heckling. What's he going to do, run into the stands and punch me? Speaking of which, I told Brady that, if we ran down and heckled him as they walked into the tunnel after the game, I thought there was a 50/50 chance we could get him to throw a punch at one of us. Now THAT is entertainment!
Thanks to Al, the Bulls won 72-56. Al is now 3-0 in games he has taken an active role in. His powers aren't even that surprising to me anymore.
Meanwhile, chaos was breaking out around the MAC. The best team (Miami) lost to the worst team (Marshall), but still kept the top seed in the conference, because Ohio lost to Kent State. The end result was Miami alone in first, and six (6!) teams with the 2nd-best record of 11-7. Two more are 10-8. Plus, the two worst teams in the conference had victories against one of those top 9 on the final day of the regular season. Bottom line is this: the MAC is great basketball, and two teams should come out. Somehow, the insane parity must be taken into consideration. Two teams must get in. I say it's Miami and whichever 11-7 team makes the finals (or wins the MAC, obviously, if it's not Miami).
I have a friend, Al. He has special powers, including the ability to stonewall people into crushing defeat. (For my definition of "stonewall," please see the Larry Sellars scene in The Big Lebowski. i.e. Walter: ...language problem here. Little prick's stonewalling me!) He stonewalled Rutgers in the 2nd half of SU's great comeback victory earlier this year. He stonewalled Kent State when I went to Buffalo to see the Bulls play a few weeks ago. And so even though I wanted to see the SU-UConn team, Al pointed out that the Bulls needed to beat the Zips much more than we needed to beat the UConn Fat Peoples. And since Al is an inanimate plastic garden gnome, I had to drive him out there.
Here is a picture of Al, along with various other characters from my infamous trip to St. Louis in December, 5 Days, 3 Naps. You can also find a picture of Brady, a 2004 Buffalo grad and our Buffalo host.
It was senior day, so I'll give a shout out to Turner "MVP" Battle, Danny "Hustle" Gilbert, Jason "Anonymous Starting Guard" Bird, and Mark "Lovably Bombastic Tall White Guy" Bortz. Watch UB in the MAC and, with a lot of luck, the NCAAs. You'll fall in love with Turner and Danny, too.
Unlike SU, Buffalo wisely places the student section on the visiting bench end. That means they have to shoot on our basket in the 2nd half, and the bench gets to listen to us the whole game. Most importantly, it also meant that they would be playing right into Al's stonewalling in the 2nd half, when Al is most effective.
Al's stonewalling is so powerful that it can affect the good guys just as much. So we were careful to keep Al on the floor, facing away from the court while UB played towards us. Akron made a little run in the 1st half before we realized Al had been kicked and spun around. That was remedied, and the Bulls pulled to within 1 at the break. Perfect.
Meanwhile, we had picked out 2 targets on Akron. One easy one was Cedric Middleton, younger brother of Bulls' guard Ron Middleton. Brady was all over the "Ron-ny's bet-ter!" chant. Later, we would up that to "your mom loves Ron more!" Cedric found most of the stuff we threw at him pretty funny, and responded with a tied-for-game high 17 points. Oops. However, he was guarding his brother who hit 5 huge threes in the game.
Our other target was this dumpy, 6-4 white shooter named Bubba Walther. He is one of those guys who, when they're on the bench, like to jump up and down when something good happens. He got our attention when he blew a kiss to some guy in a Shockey jersey who was heckling him. Shockey-jersey aside, we UB fans (even pretenders like me) gots to stick together.
So in the 2nd half, with Al taking care of defending the entire Akron team, we went on the attack. Brady and I got several simple "Wal-ther! Wal-ther!" chants going during some timeouts to get his attention. Then whenever it was quiet enough for him to hear us, we started yelling for the coach to put in Walther. Finally, with Al's stonewalling catapaulting the Bulls to a double-digit lead, Walther got back in the game. He promptly missed a 3 (barely rimming out thanks to Al's effect) then had to go diving for an errant pass out of bounds. Next timeout, we all told him how great his minutes were. He eventually came back out and hit a three, but then he didn't get back on defense, allowing a fast break bucket, and he came back down and missed a three, then moments later he threw a hilariously bad inbounds pass accross the court to the Buffalo bench. That was it for Walther. He finished 2-10 from the field, with 1 TO, and was visibly agitated on the bench for the rest of the game, to our unending delight. We just kept riding him. There's no mercy when it comes to heckling. What's he going to do, run into the stands and punch me? Speaking of which, I told Brady that, if we ran down and heckled him as they walked into the tunnel after the game, I thought there was a 50/50 chance we could get him to throw a punch at one of us. Now THAT is entertainment!
Thanks to Al, the Bulls won 72-56. Al is now 3-0 in games he has taken an active role in. His powers aren't even that surprising to me anymore.
Meanwhile, chaos was breaking out around the MAC. The best team (Miami) lost to the worst team (Marshall), but still kept the top seed in the conference, because Ohio lost to Kent State. The end result was Miami alone in first, and six (6!) teams with the 2nd-best record of 11-7. Two more are 10-8. Plus, the two worst teams in the conference had victories against one of those top 9 on the final day of the regular season. Bottom line is this: the MAC is great basketball, and two teams should come out. Somehow, the insane parity must be taken into consideration. Two teams must get in. I say it's Miami and whichever 11-7 team makes the finals (or wins the MAC, obviously, if it's not Miami).
posted by Prof. A at 1:03 p.m.
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