Arrasian Foolishness - Micturation
What a difference in the blog since I posted a week ago! I clearly emphasized the "thoughts" moments before Kevin would lead us down the trail to "random." Boy, do I feel like an ass.
Kinda like the feeling I get when I miss the toilet while peeing. I'm standing there, comparing the Colonial Athletic Association to the Horizon league (I'll take the Horizon), and all of the sudden, I've got urine all over the seat and/or my feet. It's a real bummer.
And I'm not talking about UWI (urination while intoxicated). Nothing you can do about that. I'm talking about plain old lack of concentration. Even when I'm doing it, peeing is not the number one thing on my mind. You know what I mean?
And I really don't think that I'm the only guy with this problem. I mean, I could be alone; I've got all sorts of great knowledge buzzing around my brain (proper use of semi-colons and parentheses for example) that force the "focus on yo' biz-ness" command to the back of my brain. But if every other guy has no problem hitting the cylinder, then why were urinals invented? You can NOT miss a urinal. That's why it's so great when sports bars post clippings from the sports section at eye level. They ENCOURAGE me to think about how good Wisc. Milwaukee is. Speaking of which, have you ever noticed how Wisc. Milwaukee is always spelled the same? They don't mess around with the postal abbreviation. But no way in HELL are they going to spell out "Wisconsin!" Oho, no!
See? See how easily I'm distracted? Anyway, I've gotten a little better about my pee-pee woes thanks to a little self-discipline triggered by a post-it note placed strategically above my toilet. It has a couple tips on it to help steady my aim.
-Relaxed breathing
-Slightly open stance
-Keep your head down
-Straight left arm
-Follow through towards the target
-Minimal waggle
-Don't over-swing
Wait. What were we talking about again?
Anyway, I guess I'll continue to try to balance out Kevin's "random" with more "thoughts." Here's a final thought to finish with:
The great J.J. Redick got his first tattoo last summer at the same time his 79-year-old grandmother got hers.
Kinda like the feeling I get when I miss the toilet while peeing. I'm standing there, comparing the Colonial Athletic Association to the Horizon league (I'll take the Horizon), and all of the sudden, I've got urine all over the seat and/or my feet. It's a real bummer.
And I'm not talking about UWI (urination while intoxicated). Nothing you can do about that. I'm talking about plain old lack of concentration. Even when I'm doing it, peeing is not the number one thing on my mind. You know what I mean?
And I really don't think that I'm the only guy with this problem. I mean, I could be alone; I've got all sorts of great knowledge buzzing around my brain (proper use of semi-colons and parentheses for example) that force the "focus on yo' biz-ness" command to the back of my brain. But if every other guy has no problem hitting the cylinder, then why were urinals invented? You can NOT miss a urinal. That's why it's so great when sports bars post clippings from the sports section at eye level. They ENCOURAGE me to think about how good Wisc. Milwaukee is. Speaking of which, have you ever noticed how Wisc. Milwaukee is always spelled the same? They don't mess around with the postal abbreviation. But no way in HELL are they going to spell out "Wisconsin!" Oho, no!
See? See how easily I'm distracted? Anyway, I've gotten a little better about my pee-pee woes thanks to a little self-discipline triggered by a post-it note placed strategically above my toilet. It has a couple tips on it to help steady my aim.
-Relaxed breathing
-Slightly open stance
-Keep your head down
-Straight left arm
-Follow through towards the target
-Minimal waggle
-Don't over-swing
Wait. What were we talking about again?
Anyway, I guess I'll continue to try to balance out Kevin's "random" with more "thoughts." Here's a final thought to finish with:
The great J.J. Redick got his first tattoo last summer at the same time his 79-year-old grandmother got hers.
posted by Prof. A at 11:55 p.m.
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